The Daily Journal
By the Ocean
Cloudy 80 Degrees
8:35 a.m.
I figured out the neediness “secret” simply by a stroke of dumb luck. Dumb bad luck.
It happened long ago with a client (who will remain nameless) who said one thing and did another.
One day I was “on the team,” the next day I was “off the team.”
That was pretty much the cherry that topped a long list of crappy experiences with clients.
It doesn’t take a lot of analysis to trace each of these “crappy” experiences to the same source: me.
The problem wasn’t to be found with my clients at all. It was to be found with my inability to be whole by myself.
The problem was that I needed to be liked and validated more than I needed to be successful based on my own definition of success.
Because I was more interested in filling that need, I took my eye off the really important part: my well-being.
And that’s when things started to hit me.
I can’t “need” anyone or anything. I can’t rely on someone else or I end up getting screwed. To “rely” on someone else to give you anything you can’t give yourself simply goes against human nature. Your best interest is the focus of no one except you.
To pretend otherwise is simply foolish.
And boy, was I foolish for a very long time.
In the end, it became clear to me that it wasn’t my clients who sucked…it was me!
I was not taking responsibility for my life and I was allowing my need for recognition, attention, and validation to cloud my vision.
All of this worked together to repel the very success I was trying to attract.
As I look back over those years and relive how I went from the fearful, timid, “small-me” version of myself to what I am becoming today, I feel extremely grateful.
It takes a little bit of courage at the beginning. It takes courage to willfully resist your training and to act in direct opposition to it. Over and over again.
But when you experience what is beyond that training, when you see that what you’ve been taught about yourself simply isn’t true, well…you’ll never fit back in your box again.
We in the client business have an added benefit in that we have our teachers pay us to learn…if we are ready. It’s actually a pretty sweet gift and something that you can use to grow.